Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
