Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
