i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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