Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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