i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
