I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
