Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
