I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
