I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
