Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize