Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
