You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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