; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
