New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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