I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
