Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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