Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize