My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
