Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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