using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
