I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
