I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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