I feel great
I just peed on a car
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
