Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
