ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize