when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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