My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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