Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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