just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
