the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
