No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize