I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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