He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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