we're chasing vodka with high fives
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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