You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
