I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
