you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
