My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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