He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
