i would punch a child for taco bell
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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