so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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