Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This is the high leading the old right now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
