i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
