I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Rumble strips road head = magical
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
