somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
