Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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