please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
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