Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
