Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
