The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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