You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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