A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
