Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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