We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
