3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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