anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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