Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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