were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
