come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
