I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
