i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
