Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
