Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
