I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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