AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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