Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
